The Walk
When I first got saved I felt renewed. I felt like I had made a huge step in the right direction and I was excited to live a life aligned with God’s plan. I had no idea what it would be like to transition from living for myself to truly live for God. In my naivete, I thought that my life would immediately change for the better. Boy, was I in for a surprise.
The more I try to live for God, the more it seems like circumstances arise to try to deter me off of His path. Lately, I have been feeling discouraged. Discouraged because every time I try to live the godly way, I end up falling short. Every time I think I’ve conquered a stronghold, I get knocked back down and another shortcoming is illuminated.
Discouragement and inadequacy in the life of the believer is a real thing that leads many believers astray. As a new believer, you’re drawn into a relationship with Him by His goodness and grace. But when it’s time to show your love to Him by laying down your life for His will it becomes daunting.
In my case, it’s easy for me to fall into the pattern of religion: praying, fasting, and reading the word. All three are important to have relationship but I’ve been missing some key parts. I haven’t truly laid at His feet. I haven’t been listening to His instructions. I haven’t completely tried to lay down my will to pick up His. Instead, I’ve been trying to walk on a path parallel to His. I thought I could walk with God while continuing to do what makes me comfortable, but all along He has been calling me to something different.
God’s been ministering to me about following. He asked, “ Can you truly follow me if you don’t follow my commandments?” The answer is no. I don’t have to be perfect but I do have an obligation to be obedient. My issue with obedience is the uncertainty of it. I can predict the outcome when I choose to do what I want to do. I also like having a mind of my own and want to feel like I have agency over my mind and actions. So when I am given instruction that I don’t understand, I feel like I’m being restricted. I feel confined. I feel SUFFOCATED.
I went to the source with my questions: How do I walk with you without feeling like all of my liberties are being taken away? How do I find freedom in the journey? How do I obey without feeling like I’m missing out?
His response blew my mind.
My child, walking with me happens when you take one step at a time. You cannot start walking before you learn how to stand. To learn how to stand, you have to understand who I am and who I am not. You have to choose to live for me. You have to know my voice. You have to choose to trust me. Then you take your first step. Your first step is saying yes. Your first step is understanding that I am God--- that I know you. To step forward you have to hear my voice. Just like when a child is learning how to walk for the first time and their parents call their name to get them to move forward, so do I with you. I call you and tell you to come. If you do not move forward you either fall or stay still. Is either productive? Trusting me is being able to walk with me in the uncertainty. I do not give you the answers every step of the way because apart of the process is learning how to trust the process. A part of the process is learning how to walk stronger. When children first start walking they take a couple of steps, fall, and get back up until they learn their rhythm. Then they run. Stop trying to run before you learn how to walk. Everything is a process. Trust it.
