Salvation

“ Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved” – Acts 4:12 NIV

Salvation- noun. Preservation or deliverance from harm, ruin or loss. 

We all desire to be saved. Saved from our circumstances, relationships, desires and sometimes even ourselves. My young adult years were filled with perfect examples of failed attempts to save myself. I didn’t exactly know what I needed to save myself from, but I knew that I needed to be saved from an elusive ‘IT”. As Solange wrote in her genius song Cranes in the Sky:  “ I tried to drink IT away, I tried to work IT away, I slept IT away, I sexed IT away, I read IT away ". But what was IT? 

IT felt like emptiness. IT felt like years of disappointment. IT felt like abandonment issues that manifested into a desperate need to please people. IT felt like unshakeable soul ties caused by misguided love. IT felt like I was slowly being buried alive. What do you do when you are running from something that you can’t identify? Where do you hide? 

I rationalized my drinking as a way to feel free amidst the pain. What I found was that every time I drank I became more withdrawn, more demons presented themselves, and I was left feeling worse than I started. IT grew larger. My next attempt was work. "Ok", I rationalized. If I obtain degrees, work hard and earn a good salary, IT would disappear. Sadly, IT became louder, larger, and harder to ignore. IT morphed into voices in my head that told me that I wasn’t good enough. IT was relentless.  

 I continued with these futile attempts to annihilate IT.  The more I attempted to get rid of IT, the more IT consumed me. Where could I find solace? Comfort? Joy? They all seemed so far away, so fleeting--distant and unattainable. 

 January 1, 2018, the day I began to defeat IT. With no one else to turn to, I finally decided to completely turn to God. At first, he spoke to me through people. I like to call them God’s messengers. They told me to keep seeking, that 2018 would be the year that my life would change. I was intrigued. Change my life? How could my life be changed with IT right beside me? I wasn’t convinced. As the year continued, I was awed by God’s character. He was patient with me as I began to figure out who he is. I read the Bible deeply; it nourished me back to life. I searched my heart. I prayed to him. But I still held onto my ways. I still wanted to control IT. Hide the fact that IT was intertwined with my identity. 

Then I began to fully understand who Jesus is. He was sent to save us from ourselves. From our sinful nature. Now I had a Savior, someone to save me from IT. God loved me so much that he gave his only begotten son so that I could live. Not only live, but live abundantly.  See, I wasn’t living before. IT consumed my life so much that I could hardly breathe. IT was a parasite; sucking my blood and sapping my energy. IT left me weak, powerless and lost. 

In Jesus I am free. I am saved. I no longer have to try to save myself because he sacrificed himself for me. He defeated IT and I am so grateful.